What you talking about Willis....

Gotta love this time of year. Mostly because they tell you to I suppose. It should be fun only because they say it is. Who are they you ask? Society!! Society dictates so much what we do and by the time we realize it we are so programmed that we think its too much effort to fix it. Yet......it isnt! Stop it, stop it, stop it!! Im just going to enjoy each moment for what it is and really enjoy family and friends throughout December and hope everyone else does the same. Meantime IM going to work on a new prototype of blog for myself. Go back to my roots with saying how I feel on broader subjects that whats going on with me as an individual. So keep it real during December or just do what society tells ya....

Could this be peace?

Woke up this morning feeling more refreshed than I have in weeks. Which is weird because Mondays I usually feeel groggy. Maybe its just the beginning of something bigger or possibly Ive adjusted to the way my life is heading. Which deserves a great big about time. Its taken just about the entire year, but I do feel Ive accomplished what I set out to do a year ago. Which I still have a long way to go and itll be more like a lifetime growth goal rather than a year overhaul to someone else. And Ive realized the person I want to be has been around all along, it just comes out in small doses. The goal now is to bring that out in larger doses and do my part to make a difference. Hope that I can find others with the same mindset and faith that it will happen whenever I am ready for it to. Gotta love that, if not........why even bother leaving the bed. Till next time.....

30......and counting

Yeah, its been a while. A lot can happen in a while. Writing syles can change, what you believe in can change, even the person youre percieved as can change...all within a while. Can I say that has happened? Perhaps, or maybe nothing has. Whatever may have changed didnt happen drastically because each day has its own individual effects. Each person you come across has their own distinct effect on you in their own manner. Whether its good or bad is entirely up to you, we all make our own destiny. I do believe there are outside inspirations all around us, but in the end, free will makes us who we are. That and our souls. Without a soul we would be beasts of the earth wandering around without purpose. So yeah Im counting, and counting slowly as well. Being 30 makes you take things at a different pace than you did before. And I hope I keep my newfound perception. Hope everyone else counts away as well........

Chimney Tops......

Entering the last full weekend before I hit 30, and Im pretty excited about it. Up until about 2 weeks ago Ive let it get the best of me. Then I realized how many people I know that have already hit the mark and seem a lot more calm, relaxed, and mature than previous encounters. Maybe things do really slow down once you let go of being super young and hit the decade that begins the definition of the person you decide to become. And I think I have an idea of the person of who I want to start out being. And by looking at the kid that turned 20 and the man I am today, Ill be a whole lot different upon my 40th. If my life was the Chimney tops in the Smoky Mountains, I think I have hit all the hills and time to do the small rock climb to reach the crest, And I think im ready. But we will see..........

To each their own.......

Entering the last full weekend before I hit 30, and Im pretty excited about it.

Rebuilding the Great Wall.......

Second post this week and gotten some sleep, Ive already on the right track! Thats what a hard long stressful week will do for you. Ive not felt this broken down and weak in such a long long time. And it feels like im sinking all alone and the only thing anyone else is doing is putting more shovels of dirt. However, I think the worst is over and Im climbing out of another battle. The only thing I can think is this has made me stronger and im on the right path for something(whatever it is). Anything worth accomplishing in life is never easy, and sometimes we all forget that. So hopefully Ive gotten my fight back and can fully recover from everything that has happened to me pyschologically and emotionally. And hopefully this helps anyone that is going through the same kind of things. May God and peace be with you.....

Oops I did it again........

I told myself I wouldnt get so far behind in writing, but looks like I fibbed to myself. Then again I told myself Id get consistent sleep and keep a workout log, slip number two. Made a goal to read more so I could learn, didnt fufill that. Whats sad is I could make an entire blog of the things I didnt do this month and whats worse is I dont have a strong excuse why I didnt. Burnout? Laziness? No drive? A bit of them all in my opinion. Letting things allow me to drift? Putting bliss ahead of what needs to be done? Yeah, sums up my month. However, it has been needed to a certain degree. I do know I cant be the person I once was and dont have a strong desire to be that guy anyways. I have things I want to get done and they are going to take sacrifice. My faith has shown me that Ive been utterly selfish and I havent really given up anything for anyone, including myself. Anyone can do what they want, but a transcendant person does what they must. A lot of times you dont want to do what you must do, but you do it because this world is more about getting only what you want. So hopefully I stay better on my writing, read more books, get consistent sleep, and be more focused on what I do decide to spend my time on. And be less like Britney.........

Coming up for air, if only for a moment.....

Well since Ive went deep into the depths of myself and dug out some stuff, I think its time to come up and just reflect on whats going on outside of my head. At the middle of the month it looked bleak as far as hitting our sales goal at work. Nobody had anything going and gym looked sad and empty. Then something happened and we got the train going back again and people are once again working on their health. If we keep our pace for 3 more days, we will have more than enough to cover what we need. Shows what hardwork, dedication, and good leadership will bring. It feels really good to be a part of something like that, and feels good seeing great results in some of our new members. Saturday or Sunday I will weigh my final thoughts on July, but im sure we all know how I'll feel about it. Anyways, Ill post back the final results as well as other awesome things thats goin on. Till I get back on here........

Cant quite put my finger on it.......

While Im self-evalutating myself, lets go ahead and tackle the things I usually refrain from, such as dating. I actually like being single when it all comes down to it. Most people arent fans, but it seems like it has served me a good purpose throughout my twenties, for the most part. Ive had my moments I wanted to try dating, and sometimes I tried to date and sometimes I didnt. While my dating history has had several frustrating moments or longer fractions of time, I dont see any reason for changing the events thats transpired. However, recent thoughts have made me wonder how much longer do I really want to go about things in this manner. I think Ive grown to the point that it could actually be fun to date someone with the possibility of it having some lasting ability. Im definitely more sure of the man that I am, and it has opened up my mind to be able to focus more on what I want in a woman. In my younger years, I was attracted to women who went against the grain, rebelled against the laws, and did things out of the ordinary. Looking back, thats been a terrible idea. Yeah, ive got hidden rebellious tendencies here and there, but they dont last long. And these experiences didnt last long or end well. I would be attracted to girls that had some glaring characteristic and that didnt go well either. Same goes for the girls that had all these deep thoughts on life or were scared of messing up the relationship themselves. All were a bad idea and seem to all stem from my inner fear of commitment or being happy with someone. Yeah, finally admitting it and fun to say Im doing it on the internet, but its better than nowhere. So we ask, what type of girl do I need to put focus on seeing where it goes. First and foremost, a woman who has good core values that she doesnt flake about in relationships. I have mine that I occasionally struggle with and it would help to be with someone at least as strong as I am with the person they want to be. Am I saying they have to be Christian values? Honestly, in earlier times I didnt really care, but those times have passed. Denomination isnt important, but seeing eye to eye on religion is a good idea in the long run. Politics, I dont care because it may actually be fun to argue about. That and I really dont pay attention till about a week before elections. Being fit and active isnt as important as being healthy. However, it would help considering I do like hiking, photography, exercise, and bike riding. Again, another point I used to not care about but times have changed. Intellegence is still a must, but that doesnt mean she has to read books to do so, there are other ways to show your wit. Family and children are important because I plan on having them at some point. Preferrably Id like to be with someone without previous children, but I wouldnt call that a dealbreaker by any means. I love children and as long as the situation with the father wasnt anything overdramatic I am open to that type of relationship as well. Well, there are other little tweaks here and there that Im still trying to sort out, and I think I will, but I dont wanna keep on ranting about it tonight. I miss sleep and maybe itll come to me in a dream or somethin. Anyways, sleep well.............

Thats a deep rabbit hole ya know..........

Ever start something and the more you put in it, the more that you see needs to be done? Yeah, thats pretty much how I feel as of late. Do I want the train to stop and take a break? Sometimes, but Im enjoying the trip at the speed its going. There is a thing or two that would be nice to savor or soak in just a bit, but if we all got our way what fun would that be. Anyways, enough with being vague. I dont feel like the same person anymore because I am, in fact, not the same person. My way of thinking, my methods of carrying out tasks, the people I want to surround myself with, all completely different. And it feels like it happened overnight. I couldnt go back to being the way I was even if I wanted to because my eyes have never been this open. And once your eyes have opened, you cant shut them back. You have seen to much and the images are in your head anyways. So may as well keep them open so at least you can see where you are going. Back to being blunt, I just didnt see myself being the man I am as of today. Honestly, I like this guy a lot better than the guy I saw myself being at this point five months ago when I started tweaking some things. The friends, job, and phone number I have lost throughtout this process have been replaced with new challenges and opportunities. And while things arent as smooth, easy and comfortable as they once were, they do feel more meaningful. My journey finally does completely feel as if I'm lost and I dont know where I am going. But I do know where I have been, and I dont want to go back. So thats what drives me in the dark moments of little hope, I dont want to go back. And I hope someday someone looks at themselves and notices where they once were and decide they dont want to go back to their old life. Anyways, what do I know? I know I like carrots at least...........

Priorities and keeping them......

First and foremost, I suck at doing what the title says...which is sad really. I guess its my natural disposition to rebel or Im just now figuring out what I really want. Its not that important to keep things that are pressing for other people. Im pretty sure that my previous blog about goals and accomplishments should take care of the priority problem. However, to help myself I am going to type them down so I dont forget where I stand in July. First and foremost I should aim for God to be first priority. Notice the aim for there, doesnt mean itll always happen. But I do want to strive for it. Next is to take care of myself. Most people would say family, but if I dont take care of myself, that wont happen. Therefore making sure I am well in all aspects is next. Then of course is my family and being the best at that I can. After that is my goals that I stated a few days ago in pretty much the same order they were stated. Which will take pretty much the rest of my free time. However, if it doesnt then I shall try to have meaningless time and enjoy those small moments of bliss. Can I be this person everyday? Of course not, but its always good to set a high standard and fall a little short rather than low standards and hit them easily. Anyways, time to have one of those blissful times watching a movie......

Being like a camera.........

Its time to focus. It is time for me to quit planning things and actually go forward with who I want to be and accomplish the things I want to do. Do I want to be a personal trainer? Not as much as I want to help see people achieve better fitness. Do I want financial security? Yeah, but Id like to have the means to see the world and help causes without having to glance at my bank account to do it. Do I want to be surrounded by successful people? Only if they do things in a manner that isnt harming others. Do I want to enjoy little things about my life and still be able to notice small miracles? Yeah, that one is a simple one there. Those are my goals and the means I do want to go about accomplishing them. My old goals from years past.......be the best and study, train, or will myself to do that. I am not that person anymore and do not see the need to limit myself to being that as well. Ive stated it before and probably will state it again so I dont forget, I want to be a person that helps others see their dreams and make my mark upon this world. And I have faith by helping others, I will see blessings as well. Whether it be by financial security or by seeing someone extend their lives to be with their family, I hope to make a difference. I do wish it could happen just like a flash, but then again its not like I can box it up either. Oh well, may all be blessed...........

Alas....

So I love the irony of my day, Im going to a going away party where the main participant has been already gone for years. They are just going away to another place much farther away. Which, is brave and amazing. To think about it makes me realize that to really reach high for something, you're going to have to leave something behind. More than likely, its going to be something you really love. Sacrifice is a big part of it, otherwise wouldnt we all easily have our goals. Yes we would, and it wouldnt really mean a thing to us. Nothing easy ever does or will. That is what makes great things great and normal things mediocre. Meanwhile, this really doesnt say anything that has been going on personally in my life, but would elaborating really help? I mean, anyone who can read knows that we all do the same basic things and some of us are just more elaborate on how we share these things. What makes us different are the thoughts and responses we have to these events that give us our indiviualism. Anyways, I could be totally wrong about it all, but thats the beauty of life. We all make mistakes and get another chance to do it again. Till next time.....

Back in the grind of things......

Pretty sure that God has been building my strength for something bigger than I know right now. After a period of rough moments, things have finally been coming back together. Yeah, Ive been extremely busy and things like rest would be wonderful, but I feel like its been a good week. People have been helped out, and Ive gotten things done in all areas to set up my immediate future. I feel like im almost ready for step one. I do feel compelled to share what my exact goals for the next five years are, Im still struggling a bit to fully elaborate how I want to go about them. Well, I think just grinding things out day by day will give me a clearer mind and easier words to finally put down so maybe Ill know my destination. Till we meet again.......

Not at my best...

Well, last week or two havent been all that easy. Most things come natural to me or at the very worst Ive trained myself to do most tasks, but as of late it has been quite rough. Is it God building me for something bigger or His way of saying I have made the wrong decisions in recent choices. Whichever way it goes, I do believe that things will go back to normal. Hopefully one way or another, I will learn something from it all. Till next time......

Independence

What does independence mean to you? And if you dont have it, what can you do to obtain it? Those are two really important questions in my opinion to achieve great things not only in your life, but your community. Personally it means the ability to be the person you really want to be in everything that you do. And I feel that I already have it in a wide sense so there isnt any great change I need to make to obtain it. What I feel I need to do is take more advantage of my freedoms and independence to do things in my life and my community. If anyone is asking why am I mentioning my community, it is because if we do not do whatever we can to improve that, then we give ourselves a ceiling for how high we can personally climb. Hopefully during this holiday more people realize that we are all connected and can only go as strong as our weakest area. Then possibly we can truly celebrate our independence that in truth, is something only a few have. Till next time......

gearing up for the next challenge.............

So somehow, by the grace of God, I survived June. Throughout all the changes and the challenges it all came together to form a not so bad experience. However, I cannot bask in it because I know that things have to keep moving toward bigger and more meaningful things. I dont know where it will all lead me, but it seems to be on a path where I can perhaps help a person or two, which has been my motive for all of my decisions the last 6plus months. My new challenge to myself is to network myself in any way possible so that maybe I can reach people I wouldnt have otherwise. I am not only going to search out for the people that can perhaps be helped by me, but people that can help me grow as a person and as a consultant. Please pray not only for me, but for everyone in these next few days as life unfolds itself throughout the summer.......

Change Change Change

Well, this week has been quite hectic, fast paced and eventful........and Im just starting Thursday. Finally feeling a bit comfortable at work and getting used to getting up fairly early. Decided to get a roommate, which im happy about already. Its been two years since ive really lived with someone else, and im sure there will be an adjustment period..........but I see it being a quick and painless one. I do hope this weekend works out quite well being my sisters birthday and all, but I do work the day of. Ironically I am off the day before and the day after so that should make things a bit easier to work around. Anyways, time to drive to work and Im gonna try to post another blog (maybe some inner thoughts) in the next day or so. Hope June is being kind to everyone........

Its what I do

So thru all the last few blogs, I am sure you are confused. Im still a bit confused in so much so theres no way I completely explained it in a way anyone else could fully grasp it all. Im sure youre asking with all of this, where is this guy heading? The truth is..........I really dont know. I had a goal of doing things for more than myself and it seems like Ive done more for myself than ever. It seems like Ive abandoned my job, my friends, and feel like Ive not been there for my family anyways. However, Ive been told that before you can do anything for anyone else, you have to be right yourself. Does that mean you have to be perfect first? Not at all, because that will never happen. But I do think you do have to be at an understanding of who you want to be and at least have the values you feel comfortable with. Doesnt mean you have to be there. Who knows, I may never be where I wanna be. I just feel Im on the right path. I think I finally have values that can really help me be a better person. I dont feel as lost and Ive went deeper in my soul than I ever have. Which was my drive for doing things for others to begin with. So would I say Ive accomplished what I wanted.........no no no. Its a journey not a trip. A journey I am so excited to start finally! And I feel completely open and safe to share with anyone who cares to know. And thats a growth for me as well. So the best way I know to sum up my goals for now is to be the best person I can be each and everyday and always try my best to grow in some way. And hopefully through all of that make a mark upon this world before my next journey begins after this life. Because faith without works isnt anything. Thank you to everyone and Ill do my best to write soon!!

An Understandment

You know, Im lucky to have the family that I do. Ive not been the best son, brother, or uncle my fair share of the time and they still love me anyways. Ive missed many family moments due to work or just putting menial things ahead of where I should be. Ive been better the last year, but its still so far from where I should be. And now with my 2nd niece being born this week, things seem to be in a lot better perspective. Four plus years ago when my first niece was born, I was in a really bad selfish state of mind. And a scared state as well. I was so scared to hold her because I just didnt know what to do. Sometimes I still dont. I was so scared I would hurt her some way or another because I didnt want to be like so many people were to me when I was little, which still is painful at times. Luckily as she got older, things got much easier. I still dont feel like im there for my mom or sister like I should be. I try, but I know I should do more. Thankfully with me starting the new job and eliminating a lot of the things that I put first beforehand, I can really start to do even better. And luckily through Jadyn I feel so much more comfortable with Jordyn. Because when I held her it didnt seem as scary and I am so thankful that Jadyn is here. And Im not gonna beat myself up so bad because I think through all of this I have really learned my lesson about it all. Plus, Im gonna try my best to start going fishing with my dad as well.......

Different Paths...

Ever since my mid teenage years, Ive always had a sort of system on how Ive went about friendships. Ive usually had a best guy friend, a best girl friend, and a secondary group that filled in the blanks. Its been a pretty good system for a long time. However, as Ive searched within myself and seen things that I could improve on, how I am with other people kept popping back up. So I started evaluating each friendship and how it benefitted not only each person, but how people were being treated in general. The deeper I went, the more mistakes I realized on my end. Not only have I put too much for one person to be, but I really didnt look how some people were treating others. And its made me look a little less of a decent person as well. Then upon looking further, I realized a lot of people werent really treating me very respectful either. Rather than cause a bunch of scenes, end things badly, or who knows what else, I just decided to slowly filter these things out of my life to a degree. Some degrees more than others. By doing these things, it has made the people I associate with now mean a lot more. There are a few people I really do wish I had more time with. And there are people I will spend more time with due to the unforseen extra time I now have. Do I see me going back to my old system? I seriously doubt it. I dont really want to have a system. I dont really want to have a persay best friend. I would rather have a lot of people that I enjoy their company when we are blessed to have moments together. That way nobody has any pressure to be anything to the other party. I do believe I will keep more acquaintances as well, its a lot easier. And I do plan on still trying to find a group of people that really do have a desire to make a difference in this area and if theres a chance anyone gets an unfair share of my time, it will be those people. To those that I wont be as close with, no bad feelings, its just time for both parties to continue the different paths that weve been already traveling on to begin with. Its just time to let go......

Eliminating the Boulder......

So, since the beginning of my journey in December, I have had issues with how much my profession of being an Assistant Manager for a Photography company really was helping anyone. Was it helping society? Not really because it was tourist photography which in all honesty postpones people from seeing their main goal of the show at hand. Was it helping my family? No, because I always had to work holidays and I rarely was completely able to relax the few moments I did get to see the ones I really care about. Was it really even helping me? The sad thing is it paid my bills, but ever so slightly. So as the spring dragged on it made more and more sense that it really didnt help anyone other than the people 2000 miles away make a lot more money by me being so dedicated. The only thing that made this even an argument was the people I worked with that I saw day to day. However, throughout April it made more and more sense what I really had to do, which was to move on and start something new. So on the last day of the month, I finally put a month notice ih. And even though that month was one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do, its been so worth it less than a week after vacating my position. I now have a job that I know ultimately can help a lot of people and gives me the possibility of making a lot more money myself in the process.I am now a Fitness Consultant for the local gym in my local area. This current weekend has been the first one Ive had off in years. I actually got to see my family without the worry of getting any type of work call. Is this a total win, I dont know. The catch is now it does depend on my effort on the job because the initial pay is about half of what I made. However, its a quarter of the responsibility to anyone but myself. And it was a wonderful feeling when I signed up my first member Friday evening. My only regret is leaving the people behind that I was blessed to be friends with during my tenure at my previous place, but it is already obvious I shall continue to see the people I care about outside of work which gives better opportunities to grow as people. So in all of this, I feel good about the decision and will keep things updated on how this area of my life continues to unravel.....

96 days later............

I dont know what happened or why its taken 96 days between posts........but honestly a lot has happened. Ive had so much that I couldnt put everything that occured or would even attempt because so many things deserve their own separate post. Lets just say the changes I was looking for in December have more than happened. Has it been the desired results, not at all. Am I disappointed by the results, not even close. In all truth, I am more at peace with the person that I am and believe I can do so much more for not only society, but for myself. I really hope its not 96 days between posts again as I am going to attempt these next few hours and days to update my life in between posts. To anyone who kept in tune from December to March, I really am sorry. And if this is where you begin reading whatever happens these next six months, saddle up because things are about to get real..........

Todd

What can you do?

you know what you can do? You can do anything!!!! Hopefully no one forgets this :)

Not going to plan..............

You know, you wake up and eat your breakfast, plan out what you want to get accomplished, and make necessary plans to do it. You call those that can help you with this endeavour and feel pretty good about yourself. However, this rarely ever goes exactly the way you want. There is always something that interferes or takes things out of sync no matter how much you plan for it. The thing that we all have to realize is that these things happen, look for the opportunities that it does bring, and try our best to take advantage of it! If everyone really sits and thinks about it, most of our greatest moments came after some botched plan. So dont really change your morning rituals, because sometimes things to come to fruition, just keep an open mind and heart for whatever the day ultimately brings. And then you get to really enjoy the moment!

Alternative thinking............

Monday starts the month of March, which is when I think we should start the new year. I think that is why so many people fall short of their resolutions. How can you try to when its cold, cloudy, and just flat out depressing. Maybe if more people started their goals on March 21st, more people would feel better about themselves. If you have to use January 1st for something, utilize it as the start of planning what you want to do the rest of the year and plan for it the next 10plus weeks. No one has to do it, but I do think it could be a positive alternative. Till next time.............

The Buck Stops Here

So after weeks of good fortune, life finally evened itself out. From the moment I woke up on Monday it has been nothing but a struggle. The first week that truly reminded me of life before I started trying to change things about my life. And I would like to think today is rock bottom day of it all, but we all know that there is always a lower level you can go. However, as I'm writing this piece of work, I do feel quite a bit better. I do feel like even though things hurt, I am growing stronger as a person. And that is what I do want each and every day, a sense of growing one way or another. And I do know this storm will end just like the others. Will it be bright and sunny? I really doubt it because this storm opened my eyes of what path I have been walking on lately. And its not really the way that I want to be anymore. Not that my decisions have been bad, in all truth fairly good ones, but I have to hold myself to a higher standard than I used to(which was already higher than most people hold themselves). Instead of focusing on improving on myself, I want to continue on helping other people. I set a goal on improving my community and I havent done anything at all. I am supposed to be surrounding myself with like-minded people and while I have done this to some degree, I could and should be doing a lot better. I am supposed to be building a mind and body to be able to do more than I ever could, but it seems like I cannot maintain anything more than a few days. More than anything I am writing as a vent because no one individually needs this upon themselves, but I do hope it does help someone else that is probably going through the same struggles. And I do hope people pray that I come through this with a sense of growth and can do the things I have mentiioned not only today, but since mid December. Until I write again, Im gonna keep fighting!!!!!

Living.................

Sometimes, things just arent as easy as you would like them. Some days are going to be harder than what you need them to be. Struggling is just a part of everyone's life that really cannot be prevented. There are going to be times where you really feel at the bottom of the barrel and not worth anything. And the day will come when you feel completely alone with no one to stand by you. However, its during these times when you really find out who you are and what you stand by. Times like this are when the greatest people find themselves and use the hurt and pain to make a difference not only for themselves, but for others. Nothing great was ever done easily, there is always a struggle. If it seemed easy, then it really isnt great. There is always a higher level, and to reach it you have to give something up. So the question you have to really and truly ask yourself is, what do you have to give up in order to do the greatness we were all put on this Earth to do, and when the time comes, can you in fact do it? I really hope that I can when the time comes, but it would really help if I even knew what has to be taken away?

just staying busy..........

Forget everything I said about last week, definitely beat that this week. Apparently somehow I applied for business school and hopefully that goes through. Just been trying to be the best guy I can be and do everything possible that I can. Sorry Ive been slacking in the writing department, as soon as things slow down I am going to try my best to keep things updated. So I'm gonna close out for now, but I plan on having more details in the next few days......ttyl

Holiday Weekend................

So this has been by far the most productive week of the year! And I do feel like this was the first week I actually fufilled my goal of being there and helping people as well. So in that respect, I feel pretty good about life. And I do believe this weekend will be productive as well. I am actually looking at a school first thing tomorrow morning, which is something I usually would be against. However, its time for change, and how can I help anyone else if I dont help myself. So that settles that. But...........thats all Im doing for myself, I am going to continue to help others throughout the weekend and see where that leads me. Hopefully something worth sharing happens and hopefully everyone has a good weekend and spends time with someone they care about.........peace!!!

Krystal's value meal and the aftereffects of my digestive system...........

So Ive tried being productive this week. Gotten in a couple of workouts that I wished I had more time to do more(and less people in the gym), actually worked my job, finished a book and started another, and started Nip/Tuck season one. Ok, maybe some of that wasnt so productive, but when you get insomnia, anything seems progressive. And yes, I do get occasional insomnia, doesnt everyone? Anytime my mind begins to wander, my sleep begins to disappear. And my mind right now is on safari, so guess what that means? However, I do think when it does decide to come back, a lot of things will make sense, the decisions I know I have to make will come clear, and lots of sleep! I really dont know which of those I am most excited about, they all sound magnificient. But until then, Im going to continue to train for this half-marathon, read as much as possible, pray and hope that the choices I make are mature and build towards something productive. And enjoy this tea, just because it says value meal doesnt mean your body values the contents.............

reflections from "The Noticer"

So, I finished this book in about 3plus hours once you factor everything in. I really took my time, reflected a bit here and there are soaked a lot in. The character Jones is definitely someone that I would definitely like to come across from time to time. Throughout the book, he goes from person to person to give perspective on how things can be looked at one way or another. If you have read "The Traveler's Gift" the writing style and method should be very familiar. I would give a more in-depth synopsis, but I think everyone should read themselves so they can make their own assessment. But I do recommend it. If anything, I would suggest it to anyone that feels confused or at a crossroads, which in truth, who isnt?

where the cold things are..............

Winter time, you are not my favorite time of the year.............

Anyways, about at the midpoint of what I call winter, and I am just about over it. I know it has been a while since we have had one, but it still sucks. You cant do anything, you have to run inside, and people's moods in general are lower. However, I guess you just have to grind it out and see where things go. On a positive note, I ran more miles than hours I slept today (4 vs 3.45). It has been a long time since I can say that claim. Of course, its been a while since I have ran 4 miles in general and im used to over 8 hours a sleep, so I guess it was just meant to be. On another positive note, I have two wonderful books I get to read this week and I do plan on sharing my thoughts and learning experiences from it all. Right now, I am reading the noticer by Andy Andrews who wrote a book I read 3 weeks ago(The Travelers Gift). So I am really looking forward to that. Well, hopefully this week is as productive as last week if not better. And hopefully life's path brings me to a internet connection to share about it. Peace out...............

Keeping it real

This week has been nothing short of a challenge. However, through it all I still managed to get everything done that was needed to be accomplished. So that feels good to say the least. However, a lot of things have been opened up in my mind and in my heart that I really dont see easily closing. And the worst thing about it is I really dont know what to do, or how to handle it. I do hope that prayer and just doing some deep soul searching does a whole lot to make me at least feel more at peace with everything. I am not asking for answers right now as much as what are even the questions. I am that far lost in everything right now. But............when you ask for growth and change, you will in fact recieve those things. So now it really begins. What I was searching for back in December is looking at me in the face. What kind of man do I in fact want to be? What are the things that really make me feel alive? Have I really surrounded myself around the right people to fully utilize my God given abilities? Those are the simple ones I do know are out there, but the real deep to the core ones have yet to be seen. Hopefully these questions come out in the following days and then I will try to concentrate on answering a few.

A lazy weekend.

So I just completed the laziest non-sick weekend in my adult life. Sure, ive had lazy days here and there, but to stay at home and not leave the house for two and a half days................thats unheard of by my standards. I looked outside a time or two, but except for a finger once or twice I didnt venture outside. Slept for at least 10 hours each day counting random naps. I did get to finish a book or two, caught up on some movies, and really got to reflect on a few things that I have needed to for months. Does that mean better meaningful writing, I sincerely doubt it. Could it mean more insightful thoughts, possibly. Do I feel rested, you bet! Would I recommend this type of two days, depends on what you usually do. Some people need two days of high activity to really make them feel alive. So maybe just do something totally out of your character and stick with it long enough to really appreciate it, then possibly your normality won't be as bleh. I would like to thank snowstorm for all of this, without snowstorm, I wouldnt have been so lazy. Next up, being productive and seeing where that takes me.............

Hello, My name is.................

I have no clue. Yes, that is currently my name. I have no clue what my name is, who I am, or what I am supposed to do. I have no idea what purpose I have or what my mark is supposed to be in this world. I have no clue when I am supposed to know or how I will now. I have no clue what the journey I am about to take will do to who I have been . I have no clue on who I shall be and I have no clue who will be there alongside me. I have no clue and dont really need a clue either. Its not really about knowing is it? Its about taking those steps to possibly have a clue. When I get that clue, I shall say what my name is as loud as I possibly can. Until then, my name is I have no clue.................

Just a bump in the road........

Finally hit a rough patch in what I would call a pretty successful year so far. Only thing that I am not proud of is how Ive handled everything. Anytime you see a moment you can really prove something to yourself and fail miserably, it is going to feel twice as bad as it probably really is. All you can do really is pick yourself up, and get back on the horse. Everyone falls, but does everyone get back up? That is the question each of us have to ask ourselves in the end. So hopefully, that is what I can do.

Other than that, things do seem to be pretty darn good. Guess that's what grinding it out does for ya..........

Do you need mountains exactly?

So I got my much needed walk in, but not how I originally planned it. Instead of the peace and solace of the mountains, I took the more urban route. And still feel just as free afterwards. Took way too much time going from place to place instead of parking myself and really getting the full effect of what I needed the whole thing for to begin with. But I really really love Chattanooga. There is just so much to look at and do, especially in downtown. And I found a good reason to go back in late spring because my favorite bridge to walk across is under construction. So me and the bridge have a lot in common right now. (ps, I got to walk 3/4ths of it, but that last little bit was closed off to enjoy, talk about your irony) So hopefully by May we are both geared up and ready to go. Hopefully the weekend goes well and some random occuraance happens that I feel like I should share with the world. Till next time........

I really need to take a hike.............

Its been a while..................since Ive climbed that peak. That peak that we all occasionally need to reach. When we all feel like the valleys have taken over us, and no way to get out. The rocks of daily life covering us and taking our life away moment by moment. Ok, I really do need to go hiking. The imagery may have been a bit dramatic, but nothing really clears my head like taking an adventure in the open world away from the nonsense that is civilization. And I am certain I am not alone with this passion. So I really should finally take advantage of the down time from work and take an adventure once again. whether it be alone or with another traveler, I should be able to figure out something about myself, and about my surroundings. Those are the things that really can define you as a person. (qualities, for anyone that is like me and needs the occasional bluntness) So wish me luck to find my place to go hiking, or at least a place outside of what we call society so I can recharge my batteries, sort out the crap, whatever you want to call it. And then I'll share what I learned about it. If you get a chance, go do the same, find out about yourself, tell him or her hi as well. I like meeting new people

and goodwill towards men.....(and women)

So havent really got to share all that much with anyone verbally lately, been sharing more on a literal materialistic level with the world lately. Upon realizing I truly hadnt moved in my home, even though ive lived there for almost two years, a spring cleaning was in order. Bags upon bags of stuff and or trash was taken away from my house. I am going to admit, some of the books and movies did go towards getting new things that I was going to buy eventually..........the majority was given away. And then, I sent the rest to Goodwill. I even gave away a stereo I owned the entire time I have lived outside of my parents house(8 years). The point I am making with this is I do feel a lot better and seems to give me a sort of fresh start on a lot of things. And by the look by the free bin five minutes after i dropped it off, its sort of recycling things I didnt need anymore. Not saying everyone should do a spring cleaning, but if you feel like you need a new jump start on life, liberty, and the pursuit of doing whatever you want; it very well could do it......

a quest, a mission, and a job well done.............

So, the offseason continues as planned. And when I say planned, I mean I really havent made any plans at all. And really cant say that Ive made the safest of decisions, but life isnt about being safe. Its about doing things that occasionally dont make any sense to most people, but mean something to you personally. However, sometimes there can be consequences, which if you can think openmindedly about it and take what life gives, you'll be doing better than most people. What I did that would be very questionable was drive 100 miles through a snowstorm with questionable tires. Which, dont we all do such things in a figurative sense each and every day? We involve ourselves with people that are questionable which can threaten our sense of individualism. We go miles and miles on things we really dont know whether or not we will reach our destination. Essentially yesterday was a visual journey of what I went through last year in a mental sense. And every subsequent event after my friend and I made it to our destination kinda had that same feel to it. And I have to say yesterday was my favorite day of this young year (so far......) in all senses. So I hope that everyone has the chance and opportunity to go out of the realm of common sense and do something that makes uncommon sense. Maybe go do something out of character, I sure plan on continuing to do so. I bet you find things about yourself you really didnt know. However, if you get the full experience I did, you may feel a bit weak the next morning. Till the next adventure.........

A lapse in time and space..................

Sometimes, due to the chain of events that lead up to an unplanned conclusion, we all learn something about ourselves. And hopefully have the time and energy to process and even analyze the situation properly. And that moment happened to me late last night. The chain of events or the conclusion arent whats important here, only what Ive learned. And personally, I believe behind the controlled sensible person there is someone else that needed to get out. Like suppressing a small child in a corner, that is what I have done to a part of the being I call myself. And I wonder what everyone else suppresses or holds back for what I am sure feels like the greater good. The real question..............Is it for the greater good? Personally, its not an easy choice. During my process of trying to "grow up", I have not taken enough time to be free and just go with the wind. Therefore when I finally let a little bit of it out, I go haywire (or just not controlled). So I have learned that to ultimately be the person I want to be, I am going to have to give myself more freedom to express all the aspects of myself. Otherwise there could be a moment that I self-destruct and all that I have worked on will be lost. I really do believe though, that doing for those that I do not know and actually enjoying things for the moment will ultimately help in this area. And probably an occasional kick in the behind for good measure. And that, will be a chain of events that will lead to a happy conclusion...................

the offseason begins.......

So its my favorite time of the year yet again! yeah sure, its cold nasty and seems like everything is dead 2 the world.....but I still love it. No slacks, dressup shirt, or even shaving. Speaking of that, I want to take a moment to talk about beards. Beards are wonderful! Sure it takes time to grow them, but most things worth having take time. They keep your face warm, make u look distinguished if u take care of them, and just plain manly. Unfortunately some people give beards a bad name by being creepy. But when they get arrested and have to shave.......they still look in fact creepy. So dont hate on beards! Ok, back to reality......the offseason really is a good time to evaluate the year behind and plan the year ahead. So as my offseason happens to be in January, I think everyone should take time away from their normal schedule to enjoy their won little "offseason" Meanwhile Ill keep you posted on mine!

What can a new year mean to you?

Ahhhh, another new year for everyone. Hopefully everyone has been thankful that they have been blessed to see another year, and feel a fresh sense of hope that anything is possible. If not, reassess yourself and that you should have those thoughts. Personally, Ive had a pretty good start with just relaxing, getting a little cleaning done, and spending time with the family. Did all the southern tradition eating for luck and money (maybe itll work)and feel quite festive myself. So I know what this year can and will mean to me. It means that I have a new start on everything and I will take advantage of this new opportunity. May everyone else do the same. Talk to everyone soon............