Coming up for air, if only for a moment.....

Well since Ive went deep into the depths of myself and dug out some stuff, I think its time to come up and just reflect on whats going on outside of my head. At the middle of the month it looked bleak as far as hitting our sales goal at work. Nobody had anything going and gym looked sad and empty. Then something happened and we got the train going back again and people are once again working on their health. If we keep our pace for 3 more days, we will have more than enough to cover what we need. Shows what hardwork, dedication, and good leadership will bring. It feels really good to be a part of something like that, and feels good seeing great results in some of our new members. Saturday or Sunday I will weigh my final thoughts on July, but im sure we all know how I'll feel about it. Anyways, Ill post back the final results as well as other awesome things thats goin on. Till I get back on here........

Cant quite put my finger on it.......

While Im self-evalutating myself, lets go ahead and tackle the things I usually refrain from, such as dating. I actually like being single when it all comes down to it. Most people arent fans, but it seems like it has served me a good purpose throughout my twenties, for the most part. Ive had my moments I wanted to try dating, and sometimes I tried to date and sometimes I didnt. While my dating history has had several frustrating moments or longer fractions of time, I dont see any reason for changing the events thats transpired. However, recent thoughts have made me wonder how much longer do I really want to go about things in this manner. I think Ive grown to the point that it could actually be fun to date someone with the possibility of it having some lasting ability. Im definitely more sure of the man that I am, and it has opened up my mind to be able to focus more on what I want in a woman. In my younger years, I was attracted to women who went against the grain, rebelled against the laws, and did things out of the ordinary. Looking back, thats been a terrible idea. Yeah, ive got hidden rebellious tendencies here and there, but they dont last long. And these experiences didnt last long or end well. I would be attracted to girls that had some glaring characteristic and that didnt go well either. Same goes for the girls that had all these deep thoughts on life or were scared of messing up the relationship themselves. All were a bad idea and seem to all stem from my inner fear of commitment or being happy with someone. Yeah, finally admitting it and fun to say Im doing it on the internet, but its better than nowhere. So we ask, what type of girl do I need to put focus on seeing where it goes. First and foremost, a woman who has good core values that she doesnt flake about in relationships. I have mine that I occasionally struggle with and it would help to be with someone at least as strong as I am with the person they want to be. Am I saying they have to be Christian values? Honestly, in earlier times I didnt really care, but those times have passed. Denomination isnt important, but seeing eye to eye on religion is a good idea in the long run. Politics, I dont care because it may actually be fun to argue about. That and I really dont pay attention till about a week before elections. Being fit and active isnt as important as being healthy. However, it would help considering I do like hiking, photography, exercise, and bike riding. Again, another point I used to not care about but times have changed. Intellegence is still a must, but that doesnt mean she has to read books to do so, there are other ways to show your wit. Family and children are important because I plan on having them at some point. Preferrably Id like to be with someone without previous children, but I wouldnt call that a dealbreaker by any means. I love children and as long as the situation with the father wasnt anything overdramatic I am open to that type of relationship as well. Well, there are other little tweaks here and there that Im still trying to sort out, and I think I will, but I dont wanna keep on ranting about it tonight. I miss sleep and maybe itll come to me in a dream or somethin. Anyways, sleep well.............

Thats a deep rabbit hole ya know..........

Ever start something and the more you put in it, the more that you see needs to be done? Yeah, thats pretty much how I feel as of late. Do I want the train to stop and take a break? Sometimes, but Im enjoying the trip at the speed its going. There is a thing or two that would be nice to savor or soak in just a bit, but if we all got our way what fun would that be. Anyways, enough with being vague. I dont feel like the same person anymore because I am, in fact, not the same person. My way of thinking, my methods of carrying out tasks, the people I want to surround myself with, all completely different. And it feels like it happened overnight. I couldnt go back to being the way I was even if I wanted to because my eyes have never been this open. And once your eyes have opened, you cant shut them back. You have seen to much and the images are in your head anyways. So may as well keep them open so at least you can see where you are going. Back to being blunt, I just didnt see myself being the man I am as of today. Honestly, I like this guy a lot better than the guy I saw myself being at this point five months ago when I started tweaking some things. The friends, job, and phone number I have lost throughtout this process have been replaced with new challenges and opportunities. And while things arent as smooth, easy and comfortable as they once were, they do feel more meaningful. My journey finally does completely feel as if I'm lost and I dont know where I am going. But I do know where I have been, and I dont want to go back. So thats what drives me in the dark moments of little hope, I dont want to go back. And I hope someday someone looks at themselves and notices where they once were and decide they dont want to go back to their old life. Anyways, what do I know? I know I like carrots at least...........

Priorities and keeping them......

First and foremost, I suck at doing what the title says...which is sad really. I guess its my natural disposition to rebel or Im just now figuring out what I really want. Its not that important to keep things that are pressing for other people. Im pretty sure that my previous blog about goals and accomplishments should take care of the priority problem. However, to help myself I am going to type them down so I dont forget where I stand in July. First and foremost I should aim for God to be first priority. Notice the aim for there, doesnt mean itll always happen. But I do want to strive for it. Next is to take care of myself. Most people would say family, but if I dont take care of myself, that wont happen. Therefore making sure I am well in all aspects is next. Then of course is my family and being the best at that I can. After that is my goals that I stated a few days ago in pretty much the same order they were stated. Which will take pretty much the rest of my free time. However, if it doesnt then I shall try to have meaningless time and enjoy those small moments of bliss. Can I be this person everyday? Of course not, but its always good to set a high standard and fall a little short rather than low standards and hit them easily. Anyways, time to have one of those blissful times watching a movie......

Being like a camera.........

Its time to focus. It is time for me to quit planning things and actually go forward with who I want to be and accomplish the things I want to do. Do I want to be a personal trainer? Not as much as I want to help see people achieve better fitness. Do I want financial security? Yeah, but Id like to have the means to see the world and help causes without having to glance at my bank account to do it. Do I want to be surrounded by successful people? Only if they do things in a manner that isnt harming others. Do I want to enjoy little things about my life and still be able to notice small miracles? Yeah, that one is a simple one there. Those are my goals and the means I do want to go about accomplishing them. My old goals from years past.......be the best and study, train, or will myself to do that. I am not that person anymore and do not see the need to limit myself to being that as well. Ive stated it before and probably will state it again so I dont forget, I want to be a person that helps others see their dreams and make my mark upon this world. And I have faith by helping others, I will see blessings as well. Whether it be by financial security or by seeing someone extend their lives to be with their family, I hope to make a difference. I do wish it could happen just like a flash, but then again its not like I can box it up either. Oh well, may all be blessed...........

Alas....

So I love the irony of my day, Im going to a going away party where the main participant has been already gone for years. They are just going away to another place much farther away. Which, is brave and amazing. To think about it makes me realize that to really reach high for something, you're going to have to leave something behind. More than likely, its going to be something you really love. Sacrifice is a big part of it, otherwise wouldnt we all easily have our goals. Yes we would, and it wouldnt really mean a thing to us. Nothing easy ever does or will. That is what makes great things great and normal things mediocre. Meanwhile, this really doesnt say anything that has been going on personally in my life, but would elaborating really help? I mean, anyone who can read knows that we all do the same basic things and some of us are just more elaborate on how we share these things. What makes us different are the thoughts and responses we have to these events that give us our indiviualism. Anyways, I could be totally wrong about it all, but thats the beauty of life. We all make mistakes and get another chance to do it again. Till next time.....

Back in the grind of things......

Pretty sure that God has been building my strength for something bigger than I know right now. After a period of rough moments, things have finally been coming back together. Yeah, Ive been extremely busy and things like rest would be wonderful, but I feel like its been a good week. People have been helped out, and Ive gotten things done in all areas to set up my immediate future. I feel like im almost ready for step one. I do feel compelled to share what my exact goals for the next five years are, Im still struggling a bit to fully elaborate how I want to go about them. Well, I think just grinding things out day by day will give me a clearer mind and easier words to finally put down so maybe Ill know my destination. Till we meet again.......

Not at my best...

Well, last week or two havent been all that easy. Most things come natural to me or at the very worst Ive trained myself to do most tasks, but as of late it has been quite rough. Is it God building me for something bigger or His way of saying I have made the wrong decisions in recent choices. Whichever way it goes, I do believe that things will go back to normal. Hopefully one way or another, I will learn something from it all. Till next time......

Independence

What does independence mean to you? And if you dont have it, what can you do to obtain it? Those are two really important questions in my opinion to achieve great things not only in your life, but your community. Personally it means the ability to be the person you really want to be in everything that you do. And I feel that I already have it in a wide sense so there isnt any great change I need to make to obtain it. What I feel I need to do is take more advantage of my freedoms and independence to do things in my life and my community. If anyone is asking why am I mentioning my community, it is because if we do not do whatever we can to improve that, then we give ourselves a ceiling for how high we can personally climb. Hopefully during this holiday more people realize that we are all connected and can only go as strong as our weakest area. Then possibly we can truly celebrate our independence that in truth, is something only a few have. Till next time......