gearing up for the next challenge.............

So somehow, by the grace of God, I survived June. Throughout all the changes and the challenges it all came together to form a not so bad experience. However, I cannot bask in it because I know that things have to keep moving toward bigger and more meaningful things. I dont know where it will all lead me, but it seems to be on a path where I can perhaps help a person or two, which has been my motive for all of my decisions the last 6plus months. My new challenge to myself is to network myself in any way possible so that maybe I can reach people I wouldnt have otherwise. I am not only going to search out for the people that can perhaps be helped by me, but people that can help me grow as a person and as a consultant. Please pray not only for me, but for everyone in these next few days as life unfolds itself throughout the summer.......

Change Change Change

Well, this week has been quite hectic, fast paced and eventful........and Im just starting Thursday. Finally feeling a bit comfortable at work and getting used to getting up fairly early. Decided to get a roommate, which im happy about already. Its been two years since ive really lived with someone else, and im sure there will be an adjustment period..........but I see it being a quick and painless one. I do hope this weekend works out quite well being my sisters birthday and all, but I do work the day of. Ironically I am off the day before and the day after so that should make things a bit easier to work around. Anyways, time to drive to work and Im gonna try to post another blog (maybe some inner thoughts) in the next day or so. Hope June is being kind to everyone........

Its what I do

So thru all the last few blogs, I am sure you are confused. Im still a bit confused in so much so theres no way I completely explained it in a way anyone else could fully grasp it all. Im sure youre asking with all of this, where is this guy heading? The truth is..........I really dont know. I had a goal of doing things for more than myself and it seems like Ive done more for myself than ever. It seems like Ive abandoned my job, my friends, and feel like Ive not been there for my family anyways. However, Ive been told that before you can do anything for anyone else, you have to be right yourself. Does that mean you have to be perfect first? Not at all, because that will never happen. But I do think you do have to be at an understanding of who you want to be and at least have the values you feel comfortable with. Doesnt mean you have to be there. Who knows, I may never be where I wanna be. I just feel Im on the right path. I think I finally have values that can really help me be a better person. I dont feel as lost and Ive went deeper in my soul than I ever have. Which was my drive for doing things for others to begin with. So would I say Ive accomplished what I wanted.........no no no. Its a journey not a trip. A journey I am so excited to start finally! And I feel completely open and safe to share with anyone who cares to know. And thats a growth for me as well. So the best way I know to sum up my goals for now is to be the best person I can be each and everyday and always try my best to grow in some way. And hopefully through all of that make a mark upon this world before my next journey begins after this life. Because faith without works isnt anything. Thank you to everyone and Ill do my best to write soon!!

An Understandment

You know, Im lucky to have the family that I do. Ive not been the best son, brother, or uncle my fair share of the time and they still love me anyways. Ive missed many family moments due to work or just putting menial things ahead of where I should be. Ive been better the last year, but its still so far from where I should be. And now with my 2nd niece being born this week, things seem to be in a lot better perspective. Four plus years ago when my first niece was born, I was in a really bad selfish state of mind. And a scared state as well. I was so scared to hold her because I just didnt know what to do. Sometimes I still dont. I was so scared I would hurt her some way or another because I didnt want to be like so many people were to me when I was little, which still is painful at times. Luckily as she got older, things got much easier. I still dont feel like im there for my mom or sister like I should be. I try, but I know I should do more. Thankfully with me starting the new job and eliminating a lot of the things that I put first beforehand, I can really start to do even better. And luckily through Jadyn I feel so much more comfortable with Jordyn. Because when I held her it didnt seem as scary and I am so thankful that Jadyn is here. And Im not gonna beat myself up so bad because I think through all of this I have really learned my lesson about it all. Plus, Im gonna try my best to start going fishing with my dad as well.......

Different Paths...

Ever since my mid teenage years, Ive always had a sort of system on how Ive went about friendships. Ive usually had a best guy friend, a best girl friend, and a secondary group that filled in the blanks. Its been a pretty good system for a long time. However, as Ive searched within myself and seen things that I could improve on, how I am with other people kept popping back up. So I started evaluating each friendship and how it benefitted not only each person, but how people were being treated in general. The deeper I went, the more mistakes I realized on my end. Not only have I put too much for one person to be, but I really didnt look how some people were treating others. And its made me look a little less of a decent person as well. Then upon looking further, I realized a lot of people werent really treating me very respectful either. Rather than cause a bunch of scenes, end things badly, or who knows what else, I just decided to slowly filter these things out of my life to a degree. Some degrees more than others. By doing these things, it has made the people I associate with now mean a lot more. There are a few people I really do wish I had more time with. And there are people I will spend more time with due to the unforseen extra time I now have. Do I see me going back to my old system? I seriously doubt it. I dont really want to have a system. I dont really want to have a persay best friend. I would rather have a lot of people that I enjoy their company when we are blessed to have moments together. That way nobody has any pressure to be anything to the other party. I do believe I will keep more acquaintances as well, its a lot easier. And I do plan on still trying to find a group of people that really do have a desire to make a difference in this area and if theres a chance anyone gets an unfair share of my time, it will be those people. To those that I wont be as close with, no bad feelings, its just time for both parties to continue the different paths that weve been already traveling on to begin with. Its just time to let go......

Eliminating the Boulder......

So, since the beginning of my journey in December, I have had issues with how much my profession of being an Assistant Manager for a Photography company really was helping anyone. Was it helping society? Not really because it was tourist photography which in all honesty postpones people from seeing their main goal of the show at hand. Was it helping my family? No, because I always had to work holidays and I rarely was completely able to relax the few moments I did get to see the ones I really care about. Was it really even helping me? The sad thing is it paid my bills, but ever so slightly. So as the spring dragged on it made more and more sense that it really didnt help anyone other than the people 2000 miles away make a lot more money by me being so dedicated. The only thing that made this even an argument was the people I worked with that I saw day to day. However, throughout April it made more and more sense what I really had to do, which was to move on and start something new. So on the last day of the month, I finally put a month notice ih. And even though that month was one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do, its been so worth it less than a week after vacating my position. I now have a job that I know ultimately can help a lot of people and gives me the possibility of making a lot more money myself in the process.I am now a Fitness Consultant for the local gym in my local area. This current weekend has been the first one Ive had off in years. I actually got to see my family without the worry of getting any type of work call. Is this a total win, I dont know. The catch is now it does depend on my effort on the job because the initial pay is about half of what I made. However, its a quarter of the responsibility to anyone but myself. And it was a wonderful feeling when I signed up my first member Friday evening. My only regret is leaving the people behind that I was blessed to be friends with during my tenure at my previous place, but it is already obvious I shall continue to see the people I care about outside of work which gives better opportunities to grow as people. So in all of this, I feel good about the decision and will keep things updated on how this area of my life continues to unravel.....

96 days later............

I dont know what happened or why its taken 96 days between posts........but honestly a lot has happened. Ive had so much that I couldnt put everything that occured or would even attempt because so many things deserve their own separate post. Lets just say the changes I was looking for in December have more than happened. Has it been the desired results, not at all. Am I disappointed by the results, not even close. In all truth, I am more at peace with the person that I am and believe I can do so much more for not only society, but for myself. I really hope its not 96 days between posts again as I am going to attempt these next few hours and days to update my life in between posts. To anyone who kept in tune from December to March, I really am sorry. And if this is where you begin reading whatever happens these next six months, saddle up because things are about to get real..........

Todd