An Understandment

You know, Im lucky to have the family that I do. Ive not been the best son, brother, or uncle my fair share of the time and they still love me anyways. Ive missed many family moments due to work or just putting menial things ahead of where I should be. Ive been better the last year, but its still so far from where I should be. And now with my 2nd niece being born this week, things seem to be in a lot better perspective. Four plus years ago when my first niece was born, I was in a really bad selfish state of mind. And a scared state as well. I was so scared to hold her because I just didnt know what to do. Sometimes I still dont. I was so scared I would hurt her some way or another because I didnt want to be like so many people were to me when I was little, which still is painful at times. Luckily as she got older, things got much easier. I still dont feel like im there for my mom or sister like I should be. I try, but I know I should do more. Thankfully with me starting the new job and eliminating a lot of the things that I put first beforehand, I can really start to do even better. And luckily through Jadyn I feel so much more comfortable with Jordyn. Because when I held her it didnt seem as scary and I am so thankful that Jadyn is here. And Im not gonna beat myself up so bad because I think through all of this I have really learned my lesson about it all. Plus, Im gonna try my best to start going fishing with my dad as well.......