Thats a deep rabbit hole ya know..........

Ever start something and the more you put in it, the more that you see needs to be done? Yeah, thats pretty much how I feel as of late. Do I want the train to stop and take a break? Sometimes, but Im enjoying the trip at the speed its going. There is a thing or two that would be nice to savor or soak in just a bit, but if we all got our way what fun would that be. Anyways, enough with being vague. I dont feel like the same person anymore because I am, in fact, not the same person. My way of thinking, my methods of carrying out tasks, the people I want to surround myself with, all completely different. And it feels like it happened overnight. I couldnt go back to being the way I was even if I wanted to because my eyes have never been this open. And once your eyes have opened, you cant shut them back. You have seen to much and the images are in your head anyways. So may as well keep them open so at least you can see where you are going. Back to being blunt, I just didnt see myself being the man I am as of today. Honestly, I like this guy a lot better than the guy I saw myself being at this point five months ago when I started tweaking some things. The friends, job, and phone number I have lost throughtout this process have been replaced with new challenges and opportunities. And while things arent as smooth, easy and comfortable as they once were, they do feel more meaningful. My journey finally does completely feel as if I'm lost and I dont know where I am going. But I do know where I have been, and I dont want to go back. So thats what drives me in the dark moments of little hope, I dont want to go back. And I hope someday someone looks at themselves and notices where they once were and decide they dont want to go back to their old life. Anyways, what do I know? I know I like carrots at least...........