The Buck Stops Here

So after weeks of good fortune, life finally evened itself out. From the moment I woke up on Monday it has been nothing but a struggle. The first week that truly reminded me of life before I started trying to change things about my life. And I would like to think today is rock bottom day of it all, but we all know that there is always a lower level you can go. However, as I'm writing this piece of work, I do feel quite a bit better. I do feel like even though things hurt, I am growing stronger as a person. And that is what I do want each and every day, a sense of growing one way or another. And I do know this storm will end just like the others. Will it be bright and sunny? I really doubt it because this storm opened my eyes of what path I have been walking on lately. And its not really the way that I want to be anymore. Not that my decisions have been bad, in all truth fairly good ones, but I have to hold myself to a higher standard than I used to(which was already higher than most people hold themselves). Instead of focusing on improving on myself, I want to continue on helping other people. I set a goal on improving my community and I havent done anything at all. I am supposed to be surrounding myself with like-minded people and while I have done this to some degree, I could and should be doing a lot better. I am supposed to be building a mind and body to be able to do more than I ever could, but it seems like I cannot maintain anything more than a few days. More than anything I am writing as a vent because no one individually needs this upon themselves, but I do hope it does help someone else that is probably going through the same struggles. And I do hope people pray that I come through this with a sense of growth and can do the things I have mentiioned not only today, but since mid December. Until I write again, Im gonna keep fighting!!!!!