2013

Have I had better starts? Yes I have. Have I had more goals in place? Yes I have. Will things stay at a non-work and sickly pace literally and figuratively? Not at all. I would say my 2013 officially starts tomorroww. I dont have a large long list of goals, just to be myself and stay true to myself. Am I excited? Yes I am, its all about surviving the first 40 days, thats the pace you set for the year. Thats what im gonna do for now, work on that. Focus on enjoying now until Feb 13. Once life hits that point, itll be a lot easier to see where the year is heading. Unitl next time....

Three years later......

Three years ago, when I was self driven and a lot more selfish, decided to look inward and grow as a person. I wanted to appreciate things more and understand people a bit better. I think I have accomplished that mission and beyond. I understand myself, the people I care about, and the world around me. I have a new sense of peace and a new feel for the future. Never before have I felt more ready to embark on the new challenges that await. What those are you may ask? It is to combine my driven natural ability with a sense of acceptance and appreciation for the steps that are taken to reach each pinnacle or journey. At 29 I was not ready to embark this growth, however at 32 Ive been through enough trial and tribulation to do so. God bless and good luck to all, this is my first post of what will hopefully be many new thoughts and experiences. I'm back.....

motiva......t...i..o

Motivation, one of the things that pushes me beyond my normal limits. To help me reach goals, be there when it counts, and be all that I can be. More times than not, I have it. But on occasion, it isnt there. And then it feels like im worthless. Where goals dont matter, I have limits, and seem to fail in areas that I usually thrive in. So I do need to figure out a little bit of inspiration when those moments happen, and im open to ideas. Anyways, not motivated to write much or have any inspiration past what you see, so I will see what happens next time I get next to a computer. Thanks

I cant make everyone happy........

So yes while I am feeling quite a bit better about everything since my last post, one thing still lingers, the fact I try to make so many people happy. I try to listen and solve too many things for too many people. I try to fill voids that I am not so sure if I am even supposed to fill. And while that was my main focus in life, it wasnt nearly as stressing. However, as I have taken a more proactive or selfish focus on my own life and my desires, it seems to present problems. And while I do not feel like I should go back to the way things were, and I am not going to live the life I did, I do hope to find some sort of possible resolution. I am still trying to be a good person, I still care about people other than myself and want to make a bigger contribution to the world past my own selfish desires. Even though these "selfish desires" is to work, have a family, and not live my life in solitude. In past times, I would look for some wise saying or sarcastic remark, however there is no such need. While I do feel sympathy, I dont feel remorse because I am not doing anything in the wrong. I do have my support system and while I would like to keep that to an extended amount, sometimes you cant make everyone happy while making yourself happy. And at that point either they are happy for you, or they will fade away to let you live in peace. All I know to do is pray all turns out for the best and try my best each and every day to be the best person I can be to anyone who desires to be involved with me, my life, my hopes and desires, and the people I care about. But I cannot limit myself just because it doesnt please everyone. Till next time......

Disturbance in the force......

For a long time, I have been peaceful and kept my mouth silent. And I plan on continually living a life such as this. However, it hasnt been quite as easy as of late to keep this lifestyle. Perhaps its due to seeing how many people dont truly think about the decisions they make, or how some people feel like they have some sort of right to decipher my life, both cases annoy me. Perhaps its all the little things that can get to any one of us during the course of a period of time. Who knows and in the big picture does it even matter?
What would be nice though is to see people do more than ask for advice about situations they just want sympathy, just to waste my time. Or at least say hey or ask about my life. Or have ideas to try and make the community a better place, not miniscule things such as a horrible relationship that needed to end a long time ago. Dont be mad at me or jealous because I am happy, dont be discouraged because I usually put thoughts into my actions and look beyond myself. Quit being selfish, try to be there for others and quit being a taker and maybe life will give you a better piece of the pie. Or at least youll sleep better for it.
In short, I am not at my usual peace within myself. I want to lash out, give a peace of my mind, and ridicule those who ridicule me. But what will that prove, nothing at all. Itll just make back and forth childish banter that I really dont have time for anymore. I have a wonderful life, a great family, friends that do actually care about me, and a amazing woman behind me. Which makes me all the more thankful for being mature and not making childish actions. And may the force be with us all.....

Settling down.......hopefully

Its been over a year since I have been in any type of management. One year since Ive had the sense of security on what I do each day. A year since......my old life in so many areas. The man I was then and the man I am now wouldnt even know how to relate much to each other. I would like to say Ive gotten wiser, but thats questionable. I can say I have became more humble and appreciative of things and the people I care about. A lot of goals that were set in December of 2009 have been accomplished. There is a group of people in my life that daily help me to become a better man. I do have an amazing woman by my side that inspires me to be the best that I can be in anything I do. I work three different jobs that each have their own reasons and blessings for when its time to be there. In all senses, one could say that Todd Cotner is one blessed man. Which definitely trumps any sense of failure, let downs, missed opportunities, ended friendships, or anything else that has happened. And there have been plenty, more than there would have been if I would have stayed the course I was at Dixie still. But all that would be left is a shell of a man, a drone if you will. A man who wouldnt have much soul left and focused solely on a paycheck and not for a sense of trying new things. And in the end, thats who I try to be. A man who isnt scared to take chances, surrounds himself with amazing people who strive for the same things, and has a faith in the unknown, God, and the creations throughout the world. Its not as expected as it once was by anyone thankfully, but its definitely something I try my best to attain each day. And I pray for anyone who reads this that they find some sort of peace themselves, some sense that is okay to take life a bit slower and feel settled. And hopefully have those little happy moments that make life worth all the crap we all face here and there. Till next time......

What you talking about Willis....

Gotta love this time of year. Mostly because they tell you to I suppose. It should be fun only because they say it is. Who are they you ask? Society!! Society dictates so much what we do and by the time we realize it we are so programmed that we think its too much effort to fix it. Yet......it isnt! Stop it, stop it, stop it!! Im just going to enjoy each moment for what it is and really enjoy family and friends throughout December and hope everyone else does the same. Meantime IM going to work on a new prototype of blog for myself. Go back to my roots with saying how I feel on broader subjects that whats going on with me as an individual. So keep it real during December or just do what society tells ya....